Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I'm scared the spiders, snakes and the phone...


A couple of weeks ago, I taught a class at the Athleta store at the Mall of America and it was an awesome experience!  I had 7 students for the class and at one point, one of them said “this workout is better than coffee.”  Teaching in this kind of setting was a totally new experience.  Up to this point, I’ve been teaching through community ed programs as an employee so getting this gig was new territory for me.  I didn’t get paid for it, these are sample classes so it’s more about exposure for my business but I sought out the opportunity, followed through and I’ve been asked back to teach again in June. 

What I’ve learned from this is that I should be open to checking out new opportunities, even if they are scary for me.  I’ve learned that fear should not be a good enough reason to not take chances.  Filling out applications for community ed programs and sending them in is easy.  Communicating the awesomeness of Cardio Kung Fu in writing isn’t scary to me.  Picking up the phone or walking into a new place to communicate that awesomeness person to person is amazingly scary to me.  I don’t know way.  It’s not the actual communicating part, once I get going on CKF, I can’t stop, I love the program I’m creating and I believe in it.  I’m learning new things each day and each evolution of the workout makes it better.  It’s exciting me.  It’s my passion.  But if I have a call to make, I will do every other thing on my to-do list and then find any excuse to put it off when I’m done with the list.  “Hmmm, it’s almost lunch time, really 9:45 AM is close to lunch, I’ll make the call after lunch.  Yes, I’ll watch Star Trek the Next Generation on BBC America and do a little research on business accounting until after lunch and then I’ll make the call.”  This is an unfortunately familiar scenario.  And this was the scenario the day I actually ran out of tasks on my to-do list, lunch was over, the cable went out, and the house was completely clean.  Left with no other alternative (I couldn’t even walk the dog, it was raining and when she goes out in the rain she continually ducks her head like she’s being pelted with BBs so she mostly refuses to set paw outside) I picked up the phone and called Athleta.  I didn’t actually speak to the right person that day but I did get the right person’s email address and ultimately made the connection I needed to make to get the class.  If I hadn’t picked up the phone that day, I wouldn’t be teaching another class in June, where I’ll get to introduce new folks to the CKF workout. 

I think part of the reason this is difficult for me is the very real possibility of rejection.  The last two and half years have been the toughest of my life.  I lost the job I thought I’d retire from and even though I have a Master’s degree, I haven’t been able to find a full-time job.  I’m not supporting myself with my income right now and that is both scary and self-confidence decimating. With each rejection on my job search I lose a little more confidence in myself.  I’m not sure how much rejection and disappointment one person can take but most days I’m pretty sure I’m coming dangerously close to that line and I’m not sure what’s on the other side.  Most days I want to give up but what’s on the other side of giving up?  If I don’t pick up the phone when I’m working on my business, I won’t be rejected. So there’s that, but I also know if I don’t pick up the phone, if I don’t take that risk, success will be limited.  If I hadn’t picked up the phone that day, I’d still be walking by Athleta on my way to my part-time job, wishing I could be on their board of upcoming classes and day dreaming about how cool that would be.  I’m also hoping that the more I pick up the phone, or walk into a new place, the more comfortable it will become. 

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